New Viruses On The Loose!

[the wes 7,212]

Oprah Winfrey virus:

Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus:

Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:

Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:

Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:

Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist virus:

Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:

Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:

Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:

Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:

Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:

The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:

You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:

Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:

Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:

Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:

Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:

Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:

Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:

Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

[Drogba11CFC 108]

THE GEORGE W BUSH VIRUS - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destructionTHE JOHN KERRY VIRUS - Reverses every position each time you turn your computer on

THE AL GORE VIRUS - Causes your computer to keep counting, recounting, recounting ... ad nauseam

THE BILL CLINTON VIRUS - Gives you a permanent hard drive, with no memory

THE BOB DOLE VIRUS - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

THE LEWINSKY VIRUS - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best friends about what it did).

THE RONALD REAGAN VIRUS - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored

THE JESSE JACKSON VIRUS - Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background and rhyming it all

THE MIKE TYSON VIRUS - Quits after two bytes

THE JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS - Deletes all old files

THE PROZAC VIRUS - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS - Only attacks minor files

THE MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS - Attacks only minor files

THE LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows

THE TROJAN VIRUS - Causes wooden horses to fill your hard drive