The Joka

Been a pleasure. I hope you break some scouse hearts in the league cup, and if Wimbledon can't beat them tomorrow, I hope you draw them at the Bridge and humiliate them there.

Disappointing showing from some our lads today. More disappointed that we didn't have a proper go as promised by the manager - we seemed set up to try and contain you, and that really was never going to happen for 90 minutes.

Sorry, I should have given you the heads up. Watford never get televised. Even on the football league show there is the absolute minimal coverage that the BBC can get away with regardless of score or opponent.

Our east stand was condemned a while ago, followed shortly by the near disintegration of our club thanks to the criminal actions of our then owners. We were days from liquidation having lost millions of pounds of Premiership and transfer money when we were rescued by some wealthy Italian gentlemen who also own Udinese and Granada. We now have a brand new East Stand only just opened, fantastic training facilities, changing rooms to put yours to shame and attract the standard of player that you most certainly wouldn't associate with a team of Watford's pedigree. Despite having two of these competing for every position, we're not pissing the league. Go figure. We've toyed with various systems including 3-5-2 and 4-3-3, but always revert to a panicky 10 when put under any sort of pressure. Left to play our own game, we're a joy to watch and score for fun - but against a team determined enough to not tolerate that sort of nonsense, we're totally ineffectual. I anticipate Chelsea to be just such a team. Fernando Forestieri is fondly known as 'Fessi' due to his skills that fleetingly remind one of a far greater talent. Abdi is a calm and accomplished midfielder that will have you wondering how on earth he is plying his trade in the championship. Toszer has a cannon of a left foot that means a free kick less than 35 yards out is as good as a penalty. Deeney is big, enthusiastic, a proper captain and surprisingly mobile and effective. Vydra is quick, lethal and maybe the most talented of all, but he's struggled to fit in with the systems we play of late. Gomes is an excellent goalkeeper and his understudy Bond has lightening reflexes, but both are prone to the odd howler. Anya has been frustratingly wasteful with his final ball, but will carve through any defence. When he gets it right, he's unplayable. Unfortunately his best performances have come for Scotland. Our defence is sound and shaky in equal measure. Depends on what mood they're in. Final word about Chalobah. I don't agree that he's gone backwards. I just think that perhaps he wasn't being played in the right sort of team. A bit like a spark plug being forced into a diesel engine. He would have looked much better at Watford or similar 'footballing' team, but perhaps being at Burnley under Dyche was exactly what he needed to put some hair on his chest. Time will tell, but I can't imagine that a player simply loses that sort of talent overnight.

Chalobah was stunning for us. I'm not going to qualify that by saying "considering he was so young" because his age simply wasn't an issue. He ran the midfield in the vast majority of games and scored a blinder against Leicester with the kind of technique that can't be coached. I'd have him back right now.

I'm happy to answer any questions you have about our lot if you're remotely interested, though I suspect you probably won't be. As far as I can tell it's pretty much going to be a non-event thanks to the huge gap in the funding of the two squads. Chelsea and Watford have never really had any rivalry, and as FA cup ties go I think this draw was probably as poor as it gets for us both.

Damn. Was using the Watford manager as my login name too much of a giveaway? I'd like to complement you on your own name though. Spot on.

I'm surprised that Lampard isn't mentioned in any of your team selections. Is he injured or something?