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jonaaibosk

Joke Thread

Started by jonaaibosk,

300 posts in this topic
A guy decides to buy his Girlfriend a pair of gloves 4 Christmas.

A small gift as they have known each other for a little time and he noticed that her hands used to freeze during driving.


He decided to get romantic but not too personal.


He asked his GF's sister to help him in selection & hand size.


He picked up a pair of white gloves in the store. The sister gets a pair of panties for herself.


During wrapping, the Salesgirl inadvertently mixed the gifts.


Without checking, the guy gifts the Panties to his Girlfriend with a note, saying:


"Merry Christmas, I chose this, because i notice you do not wear these when we go out.

I would've chosen long ones but your sister wears short ones, which are easy to remove.

I checked it out on the Salesgirl as well & she looked really Beautiful.

I wish, i was there to put it for you for the first time.

When you take them off, remember to blow inside as there will be a damp spot naturally wearing it.

Just think how many times I'll kiss that in the upcoming years.


With Lots n Lots of Love

Mohammed Seif and Mufassir08 like this

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A woman walks past a pet shop and sees a sign in the window reads: ''Clitoris-licking frog for hire see onwer inside''. Intrigued she pushes the door open and goes up to the counter. ''Excuse me'' she says to the bloke behind the counter. Im interested in hiring the ''Clitoris-licking frog'' advertised in the window. ''Ah, Bonjour madame,'' he replies. ''Comment allez vous?''.

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America was not shut down properly. Would you like to start America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)

Mark Clattenburg is due on the pitch for a Chelsea-Liverpool game and is nowhere to be seen.

The FA representative goes looking for him and finds him in the dressing room and says, "Hey, Mark, why are you in here and not on the pitch?"

Clattenburg says, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle that my wife gave me."

Representative: "I don't care about a damn puzzle, get out on the pitch."

David: "No. I've been trying for weeks to do this jigsaw, and it's all I can think of right now."

Representative: "What's the puzzle of?"

Clattenburg: "It's a tiger."

The representative looks over Clattenburg's shoulder at the puzzle laid out on the floor and says, "For fuck's sake! Put the Frosties back in the box and get out on the pitch!"

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How do you know when a girl is too young for sex?
When you have to make an aeroplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.

What's the difference between jam and peanutbutter?

You can't peanutbutter your cock up your girlfriend's arse.

How do you make a gay man have sex with a straight woman?
Shit in her cunt.

Roquila and CHOULO19 like this

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How do you know when a girl is too young for sex?

When you have to make an aeroplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.

That never works...I usually make a "choo choo" sound :ph34r:

Stingray likes this

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1. Emergency call: "911, What is your emergency?" "Two girls are fighting over me!" "So what's the problem sir?" "The ugly one is winning

2. Called in sick today. Manager asked why? Doctor said I have Anal Blindness. Manager asked what's that? It's where I can't see my ass coming in to work today!

CHOULO19, Mohammed Seif and Bir_CFC like this

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A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.'

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years! I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'

She said, 'I don't think you understand darling, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales ......'

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I work in a shop that sells hand grenades. However, we now only accept cash after we had a few incidents with taking cards after asking customers if we could have their pin.

-----

Paddy's firework party was a complete disaster.

"I don't understand it!" He said. "They all worked fine when I tried them yesterday."

-----

While my wife was out I decided to dig out my old vinyl collection and have a play.

I especially enjoyed the wet-look basque and thigh length boots.

CHOULO19 likes this

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