Fulham Broadway

Racist. Its 10 miles to work, and its sometimes 40 minutes quicker cycling. But I dont do it if the weathers shit.

Ancellotti can be a bit adventurous..wouldnt be surprised to see Cole playing behind two strikers, a role at which he can be very effective.....

Nice bit of business -with Joe Cole back for next season its looking good. Unfortunately I've heard commentators pronounce him Jerkoff

FEDERER BECOMES MOST BORING MAN EVER ROGER Federer tore up the record books predictably last night following an utterly tedious victory over some American who's done nothing but play tennis since he was seven. Federer and whichever one of the Williams sisters is currently the most boring Federer beat Andy Roddick to become Wimbledon Champion for what feels like the 80th time after a match that many people thought would outlive them. Tedium analyst Bill McKay, said: "Once it goes past 10 games in the fifth set it is automatically designated a classic by the BBC and then everyone has to agree that it's a classic or end-up looking like the sort of person who doesn't know very much about tennis." He added: "This is a day that will be long remembered by people who enjoy watching a large American robot hold his serve for four and a half hours." His victory means Federerer is now officially the most mind-numbingly tedious man of the professional era, but experts say he is easily more boring than the great amateur bores of the late 19th century. He finally overtook Pete Sampras, a man so painfully dull that boredom experts said no-one could ever be as boring as him. Boredom fan Tom Logan said: "And Sampras was even more boring than Bjorn Borg who, if you remember, was unbelievably tedious." He added: "If you asked someone to imagine the most perfectly boring person ever there's a very good chance it would be someone called Roger and he would come from Switzerland. He really has been blessed by the Gods of Boredom. "I don't know whether it's the shaving adverts, the mundane private life or the fact that he never says anything even remotely interesting. Or it could just be the fact that he's really, really good at tennis." Federer was congratulated by his boring friend Tiger Woods who still hopes to shatter all previous tedium records by continually thrashing everyone at golf.

Could be a shrewd signing for them if its a pay per play deal and he remains injury free. He'll definitely get better service than he did at the barcodes anyway. As for Madrid, I still dont think they will win the CL, they will still ship goals. Barca to win La Ligue and CL to really fuck them off

Pink shorts, Elton John concerts, over protective of his mum, ladyboy tantrums...time he came out the closet methinks. Courts the media on one hand like all these tarts, and then doesnt like it when filmed without his makeup on......

But there is a possibility Ancelotti will buy a big name or two. It's more than likely Abramovich would have sanctioned some cash to spend on who Ancelotti chooses, as part of his agreeing to come to West London......

More than likely the days of big spending are gone. Turnbull for the English quota, Sturridge and Hiddinks recomendation of Zhirkov could be well be the lot. Pato and Tevez would be great, a different class to Sturridge, but cant see it happening.....

Lots of reports this morning Ancelotti is in milan to bring back either Pato, Pirlo or both The Sun; CARLO ANCELOTTI has delayed his arrival at Chelsea to try to push through the signing of Brazil star Alexandre Pato. SunSport understands AC Milan expect to meet Blues officials in the next 24 hours to negotiate a deal. Ancelotti officially started his new job as Chelsea boss yesterday but is understood to be in Milan while talks with his former club are ongoing. Chelsea have already had an offer of £31million turned down for Pato, 19. Ancelotti is desperate to have the striker in place before pre-season training starts next Monday. Milan sources claim the club will sell for a figure nearer £40m - although Chelsea are unwilling to pay that much. At the same time, Ancelotti is determined to add a cutting edge to his new team's play and has specifically asked for Pato. Milan, meanwhile, are edging closer to signing Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor, who is expected to cost around £17m.

I suspect a lot of clubs have, as hes worth acquiring. My problem is, if theres any truth in the rumours, some twat at SW 6 was willing to offload him

Alright Steve. I'd like to give the bloke a chance first. He seems to be going out of his way to bond, which is a start. Scolari just had them doing non stop running for his first training and little else, Grant was trying to use Paul McKenna,Uri Geller type bollox ! It wont do Bosingwas confidence any good if he was a Ribery bargaining chip. Whoever sanctioned that idea hasnt a clue -though it could be media rubbish.

Same , Bosingwa should definitely stay along with Kalou imo. It doesnt seem as if Stoch and Sinclair have been tested enough - League Cup runs for certain players before offloading would be an idea. It all depends on Ancelottis plans, and who he envisages bringing in.....

OK His first day in the job. Apparently he’s asked for DVDs of all the players, including matches and training. He’s also made a point of contacting several of our key players and seems to have built up a rapport with some of them. Him and Drogs have a bet to see who can learn English/Italian first. He seems more adept at man management than Scolari thats for sure.....Encouraging Start

Cant stand the sweaty. Wanted him to lose last night. Sorry CM In fact dont like tennis that much. At least the blokes go for winning shots whereas the women just seem to pat it over the net waiting for their opponent to fuck up. Though the women dyke players seem ok Billie Jean, Navratilova, but they're just not eye candy. They should make the dykes play in the car park and the honeys play in the buff. Sorry think the heats getting to me...

About to become Baggies new boss if reports are believed. Could be a stepping stone to return to SW 6 in some capacity......?

Throwing of missiles ? Should have fucking fired a missile. Dont think theres much hope of this -Drogba leering down the camera into 250 million peoples homes shouting ''its a fucking disgrace!'' tends to be frowned upon by the TV Moneymen. Loved it though. And it was true. The Chelsea hierarchy know this, Drogba knows this and all the world know that we were stitched up but you cant say so.....

To me Tevez would add another dimension not seen since the Zola days...

RONALDO JOINS QUEUE FOR PARIS HILTON'S VAGINA CRISTIANO Ronaldo celebrated his record-breaking £80m move to Real Madrid last night by joining the early morning queue outside Paris Hilton's private parts. As dawn broke over Los Angeles, Ronaldo was spotted moving from the hosing area to the mounting zoneThe former Manchester United winger was seen flirting with the hotel heiress in an LA nightclub as the two laughed about what it's like to be an empty shell of a human being with no concept of the value of anything. Martin Bishop, a leading Hiltonologist, said: "It's a very special moment in a young man's life when he becomes famous enough to join the queue for Paris Hilton's vagina. "I'm pleased to see he got there at 3am - nice and early. At that time of day he would only have had to queue for about an hour and a half. "The waiting isn't too bad. They have snacks and magazines and there's usually a couple of buskers and a clown who does magic." Bishop said Ronaldo would have been in the queue behind three or four baseball players, half a dozen drummers, at least two European princes and, as it was a Thursday, Charlie Sheen and the other Ronaldo. "He will eventually have moved from the garden into the lobby into the undressing area where he will have stripped to his socks before having his genitals hosed down with Mr Muscle. "After that it's straight into the mounting zone for eight to ten minutes of perfunctory intercourse, followed by a souvenir photo, a quick cup of tea and a biscuit." He added: "They can put the condom in a doggy bag for you, or you can choose to pin it on the 'Wall of Fame'. It's really well organised."

There is always the rumours - reading between the hype I reckon the done deals will be Zhirkov, Sturridge, and the Boro keeper Turnbull. And that will be it. Though I would love to see Tevez arrive........

Alright DV I'm assuming you know what cockney -and mafia is ? Newcastle fans , due to bitterness and underachieving, have singled out Southern staff as scapegoats -Wise, Joe Kinnear, Llambias and even the owner Mike Ashley all are Southerners (though hardly cockneys). The only parallel I could draw in your country would be for instance if there were five or six Bavarians taking charge of Dortmund, who fail spectacularly, and then the Dortmund fans turn on the Bavarians, even though it could be the team at fault......

Eto and Tevez as are most players are moved around by millionaire agents and middlemen Tevez would have very little say -hes Joorachabians whore prostituted out to who pays the most

Bitter cnut, would do better to keep his mouth shut. Funny how , after he left, the club had the best record in the country....

NEWCASTLE ALIENATE REMAINING FANS WITH NEW AWAY KIT THE Newcastle United board has decided to alienate its few remaining fans with a new away kit that looks like a boiled sweet made from urine. You can suck Steven Taylor for up to an hourThe kit was designed by lifelong Sunderland fan Tom Logan, who said he spent weeks searching for just the right shades of yellow. He added: "I wanted something that said 'piss', but combined both the pale yellow of a poor person who drinks too much with the dark yellow of a person who buys rich food that they can't really afford." The kit will go on sale next week, priced to meet the value for money expectations of gullible, colour-blind halfwits. Meanwhile the board hopes its latest move will constitute the final straw so the club can finally be wound down and sold off at a car-boot sale in Whitley Bay. Chairman Mike Ashley said: "I'll be honest, at this point we're so brassic we're accepting Nectar Points and handjobs just to make ends meet." He added: "It's been tough - re-employing Keegan, absurdly expensive season tickets, Dennis Wise - but this should finally enable me to flatten St James's Park and use the land for raising goats." Defender Steven Taylor, who modelled the strip, said: "This is possibly the biggest tit I've felt since joining Newcastle, and I spend most of the season being dumped on my arse while the opposition hoof the ball into the roof of the net." Newcastle fan Martin Bishop added: "I've followed the Toon since Jackie Milburn but if I go around wearing that, people will automatically think I've just escaped from a parade that celebrates drinking piss and alternative lifestyles."

Good bit of business -the tribunal will probably settle for @£5 million , and he could be Englands centre forward in a year or two, and could show in squad for SA 2010.

Media always saying how ''Rafa doesnt spend money like Man Utd or Chelsea''. Hes bought a few though...... Fernando Torres Robbie Keane Ryan Babel Xabi Alonso Dirk Kuyt Albert Riera Andrea Dossena Peter Crouch Lucas Leiva Jermaine Pennant Martin Skrtel Craig Bellamy Luis Garcia Jose Reina Dan Agger Mohammed Sissoko Fernando Morientes Yossi Benayoun Diego Cavalieri Alvaro Arbeloa Sebastian Leto Jose Miguel Gonzalez Gabriel Paletta Mark Gonzalez David Ngog Scott Carson Mikel San Jose David Martin Antonio Barragan Besian Idrizaj Jack Hobbs Alex Cooper Alexander Kacaniklic Krisztian Nemeth Andras Simon Victor Palsson Gary Mackay Steven Vitor Flora Andriy Voronin Nikolay Mihaylov Emmanuel Mendy Marvin Pourie Dani Pacheco Nikola Saric Lauri Dalla Valle Gerardo Bruna Hakan Duyan Damien Plessis Peter Gulacsi Charles Itandje Philipp Degen Vincent Lucas Ryan Crowther Mihail Alexandrov Robbie Fowler Ryan Wilkie Javier Mascherano Miki Roque Nabir El Zhar Mark Smyth Jay Smith Stephen Darby Craig Lindfield Adam Hammill Danny Guthrie Paul Anderson Lee Peltier Fabio Aurelio Jan Kromkamp Boudewijn Zenden Mauricio Pellegrino Godwin Antwi Robbie Threlfall Ryan Flynn Calum Woods Paul Willis Danny O'Donnell Ramon Calliste Steve Irwin Martin Kelly Ronald Huth Jordy Brouwer Francisco Manuel Duran Emiliano Insua Ray Putterill Martin Hansen Jay Spearing Dave Roberts David Mannix Antonio Nunez