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blueboy9

The Cricket Thread

Started by blueboy9,

2,462 posts in this topic

As exciting as this test has been you have to feel sorry for anyone who bought tickets for Saturday and Sunday. They ain't easy to get hold of still bollocks to the Aussies ha ha. And one more thing get those shit stars off our flag.

300px-Flag_of_Australia.svg.png
Fulham Broadway likes this

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Holders of day 3 tickets will be getting twitchy

Fuck them.... I've got tickets for Day 4! Ah well, either I'm there to see us win the Ashes, which is priceless, or, if it's done by then, I get a full refund. Win win, either way.

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Australian cricket team applies for political asylum
Ashes-Cricket-small.jpg

The Australian cricket team has applied for political asylum this afternoon, claiming they face severe mental and physical abuse if they return to their home country.

Lawyers representing the team have claimed that the abuse they will face if returned home cannot be expressed in the English Language, largely because that’s not what Australians actually speak.

The Home Office is reported to be taking the application extremely seriously after spending about five minutes reading their fellow countrymen’s comments on Twitter.

“My God, the abuse,” a clearly shaken Home Office spokesman told us. “Some of it is frankly indescribable.”

“To be honest some of it is incomprehensible, as well. What the heck is ‘a pack of drongoes worse than a wombat’s arse and a dead dingoes donger of runs?'” He asked.

“Whatever it is, it sounds pretty serious to us.”

Members of the team fear serious reprisals from fellow Australians, and are reported to be hiding out in the dressing room under armed guard.

Meanwhile migrants at Sangatte are reported to have formed a cricket team and are currently challenging all comers in the hope it’ll boost their chances.

Fulham Broadway and zolayes like this

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THE wicket at Trent Bridge can cure the sick, it has been claimed.

After England’s inexplicable display against Australia, fans are bringing ill relatives to Nottingham to rub their affected body parts against the sacred pitch.

Julian Cook, from Stevenage, said: “Many of us are refusing to leave, fearing that if we do the spell will be broken.

“Therefore we have invited sickly friends and relatives to join us so that they may commune with the Holy Wicket of Broad and be healed.”

Roy Hobbs, from Peterborough, added: “I can handle a devastating display of bowling followed by a batting collapse, or somebody putting on a magisterial but ultimately futile century, but for both to happen on the same day means we have crossed into the realm of the supernatural.

“Look at this – I’ve tossed this coin 427 times since the match and it’s come up heads, but with a portrait of Joe Root, each time. What can it mean?”

Iggy Doonican likes this

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One of the reasons Bob Willis retired was extras went on the bowlers figures. So under the old system Broad's figures would be even more impressive 8 for 7 i think.

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think I`ll phone my relatives in Adelaide....I never call them at Christmas,new year,birthdays etc..but love to when we win the Ashes..if I got a friend around I ask them if they have ever heard somebody have a stroke on the phone.then hit the loud speaker button... :D

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It was a sympathy win. After tumbling out of the World Cup and the 405 thumping we just had to let the baby have it's bottle. We can't be too dominant, we don't want to kill interest in the sport with the younger pommie generation.

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It was a sympathy win. After tumbling out of the World Cup and the 405 thumping we just had to let the baby have it's bottle. We can't be too dominant, we don't want to kill interest in the sport with the younger pommie generation.

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