Hotseat 7: Alex

[Special Juan 27,101]

Next season, definitely up for that. Would be a pleasure, mate!

Remember the last Mod who gave me cheek?

Two sugars please.

Yes I do, didn't you perform a raunchy dance for him stripping down to your thong?

[BlueLion. 21,491]

Yes I do, didn't you perform a raunchy dance for him stripping down to your thong?

I don't think I could do anything raunchy whilst wearing a thong. Too damned hairy.

[Special Juan 27,101]

I don't think I could do anything raunchy whilst wearing a thong. Too damned hairy.

Talk Chelsea's Richard Keys

[NiclasCFC 2,582]

What do you think of the Diego Costa signing? Was he your first choice (realistic) striker this summer?

[Sidzeret 2,257]

Who's shirt are you getting next season?

[BlueLion. 21,491]

What do you think of the Diego Costa signing? Was he your first choice (realistic) striker this summer?

I didn't want to say because I don't want to be a party-pooper... but I don't think it's going to work out. He's a quality forward that'll work well in away games when we are counter-attacking. But in games against sides that park the bus, he'll just be another Torres. That's why I'm quite keen on retaining Ba, as a physical long-ball option [Plan B]. I hope Costa proves me wrong, but I can't see him getting more than 15-20 goals at a push next season.

My personal choice for a forward would be Higuain, but that would never be possible with Napoli's cunt of a president. So a more realistic option would have been Mandzukic, who is the right kind of forward we need - a penalty box poacher that has the ability to hold the ball up and is very strong in the air. Yes, Costa isn't bad at hold-up play, but he is far more direct than Mandzukic, a lot like Torres, and if he doesn't get the same sort of on-the-shoulder-of-the-last-defender service that Torres or Anelka are (or were?) accustomed to, he'll cut a very lonely figure. But he's a class act, hopefully his quality shines through. I just can't get excited because, Drogba aside, our formation has never been focused around strikers scoring goals. We rely on our midfielders to contribute 80 goals a season between them, and I can't see that changing.

Who's shirt are you getting next season?

[Sidzeret 2,257]

I didn't want to say because I don't want to be a party-pooper... but I don't think it's going to work out. He's a quality forward that'll work well in away games when we are counter-attacking. But in games against sides that park the bus, he'll just be another Torres. That's why I'm quite keen on retaining Ba, as a physical long-ball option [Plan B]. I hope Costa proves me wrong, but I can't see him getting more than 15-20 goals at a push next season.

My personal choice for a forward would be Higuain, but that would never be possible with Napoli's cunt of a president. So a more realistic option would have been Mandzukic, who is the right kind of forward we need - a penalty box poacher that has the ability to hold the ball up and is very strong in the air. Yes, Costa isn't bad at hold-up play, but he is far more direct than Mandzukic, a lot like Torres, and if he doesn't get the same sort of on-the-shoulder-of-the-last-defender service that Torres or Anelka are (or were?) accustomed to, he'll cut a very lonely figure. But he's a class act, hopefully his quality shines through. I just can't get excited because, Drogba aside, our formation has never been focused around strikers scoring goals. We rely on our midfielders to contribute 80 goals a season between them, and I can't see that changing.

I'm not getting Fabtegas 4 in our traditional blue anytime soon unless he does well and become a proper Chels. Too much history.

[Milan 17,835]

Hi Alex, long time no see! I have really missed you and hope you are doing fine and are happy! Now the questions time...

Is there anything you really, really regret doing in the past?

And on the other hand, what are you the most proud of in your life?

Have you ever wondered of traveling to the Czech Republic? I know, it is not a lot to offer but I owe you big time and you would be most welcome to stay over.

[BlueLion. 21,491]

I'm not getting Fabtegas 4 in our traditional blue anytime soon unless he does well and become a proper Chels. Too much history.

I'm getting it on the yellow because:

1) it'll piss off Arsenal fans

2) that shirt looks like Arsenal's old away kit - which'll piss them off even more!

Hi Alex, long time no see! I have really missed you and hope you are doing fine and are happy! Now the questions time...

Is there anything you really, really regret doing in the past?

And on the other hand, what are you the most proud of in your life?

Have you ever wondered of traveling to the Czech Republic? I know, it is not a lot to offer but I owe you big time and you would be most welcome to stay over.

Ooooh. Tough question. I've burned a few bridges in the past, which I regret. I tend to overthink things quite a bit, so take a lot of things to heart. One particular bridge I burned - not sure if I did actually, it's a long story - is I was best mates with a lad when I was 16. We were absolutely inseparable. We started to grow apart between 16-18, and then, for some reason, he never returned any calls or texts. I had no idea what I'd done wrong. Then we had the chance to mend things when I bumped into him after 18 months without talking to one-another, but I told him to fuck off and never talk to me again. I regret that.

The proudest moment of my life is passing my driving test, no doubt about that! Not sure what else would come close... completing a degree is a good thing but I was disappointed hugely to miss out on a first so narrowly (just by 0.5%).

And final answer - absofuckinglutely. I'd love to visit Prague! I've always wanted to. I'm a big History nut, and I love the Gothic architecture of Prague. To go to the Prazsky Hrad, the St Vitus Cathedral, and the Charles Bridge, that would be a dream come true.

[EBH 283]

How did you develop such a brilliantly deadpan sense of humour? You're such an Aussie

[Rmpr 8,977]

1. Suppose that you are on the precipice of falling off a skyscraper and you are that you somehow manage to call your 3 best friends in order to save you. However, when they arrive none of them wants to risk their lives in order to save you. The problem is you survive the fall. Would you prefer to have died "knowing" they were your best friends?

2. There are 3 people trapped on top of a railroad and there is a train coming. However, there is a very fat guy standing right next to the railroad (before the trapped people) and you realize that his inertia is enough to derail the train. Do you push him and save those 5 people or you dont believe the mathematics absolve you from your murder?

3. Imagine you could travel back to whatever time period you wish with the intention of changing something realistic (be that by killing someone, preventing a catastrophe or even committing one, etc). Who would you kill and how do you think it would alter present history?

4. Do you feel that TalkChelsea gets very hostile during the off-season?

5. Whenever I finally decide to see a match on Stamford Bridge, will I have the privilege to meet you?

[BlueLion. 21,491]

How did you develop such a brilliantly deadpan sense of humour? You're such an Aussie

I'm like a bottle of Gordon's. Dryyyy.

1. Suppose that you are on the precipice of falling off a skyscraper and you are that you somehow manage to call your 3 best friends in order to save you. However, when they arrive none of them wants to risk their lives in order to save you. The problem is you survive the fall. Would you prefer to have died "knowing" they were your best friends?

2. There are 3 people trapped on top of a railroad and there is a train coming. However, there is a very fat guy standing right next to the railroad (before the trapped people) and you realize that his inertia is enough to derail the train. Do you push him and save those 5 people or you dont believe the mathematics absolve you from your murder?

3. Imagine you could travel back to whatever time period you wish with the intention of changing something realistic (be that by killing someone, preventing a catastrophe or even committing one, etc). Who would you kill and how do you think it would alter present history?

4. Do you feel that TalkChelsea gets very hostile during the off-season?

5. Whenever I finally decide to see a match on Stamford Bridge, will I have the privilege to meet you?

1. Oooh, that's a horrible question! I'm the sort of person who'd probably, after surviving the catastrophe, throw them off the precipice. In all seriousness, friendship isn't about risking your life for other people. Who could say what they'd do in a moment like that? It's all well to say "of course, I'd risk my life" - but when the fear kicks in and the adrenaline can't compensate, you'd probably freeze yourself. All I'd do is congratulate myself on being suitably hench in surviving the fall

2. I'm the sort of person who'd say that, if they were the sort of idiots who play on train tracks, that they deserve every inch of what's coming to them. If they're there involuntarily, for instance a child had fallen and its parents had jumped onto the tracks to save its life, then I'd probably jump down and help them. I think. Like I say, in the heat of the moment, who knows? But I certainly wouldn't push the fat guy. Firstly because that's fucking sick! And the mathematics might not work out. You could end up pushing Fatty, he gets splatted, and so does the family. Plus imagine the train driver - he'd have those lives on his/her conscience. I genuinely think I'd jump down and try and help, then maybe the fat guy could help to pull me and the family up to the platform

3. So many to choose from. Such a tough question. I think I'd go back to 846 when the Saracens sacked Rome. I'd just have told them it would be a bad idea - not only because the attackers would be massacred at the foot of the Aurelian Wall, but also because it would have prevented the first stone in the avalanche that was the Crusades. That being said, if I did that, I'd be devoiding myself of my favourite historical subject! So for argument's sake, let's just say I go back to 2009 and threaten Ovrebo at knife-point before the UCL semi-final. Chelsea get five penalties, Lampard scores them all, and Chelsea win 6-1. They go through to the final and John Terry scores a 93rd-minute winner from the penalty spot against Manchester United. Balance is restored to the universe.

4. Incredibly. Which is why the hammer is always on display

5. Absolutely. It would be an honour. If you're ever over here, let me know a game you want to go to and we'll go. It would be my pleasure.

[lucio 5,391]

1.stupid question first - would you rather fight 2 full grown lions, with your bare hands , or 200 regular cats?

i see you love the crusades , me too.

2.which crusade is your favorite?

3.which battle is your favorite? mine is the siege of lisbon

4.who is your favorite figure/leader from the crusades?

5.what do you think was the primary motivation behind the 1st crusade? (did a whole essay on this last year)

6.favorite christian military order?

7. favorite castle built because of the crusades? mine is malbork castle built by the Teutonic knights. they ended up fighting the kingdom of Poland. interesting subject, would recommended having a look , if you don't already know about it.

[BlueLion. 21,491]

1.stupid question first - would you rather fight 2 full grown lions, with your bare hands , or 200 regular cats?

i see you love the crusades , me too.

2.which crusade is your favorite?

3.which battle is your favorite? mine is the siege of lisbon

4.who is your favorite figure/leader from the crusades?

5.what do you think was the primary motivation behind the 1st crusade? (did a whole essay on this last year)

6.favorite christian military order?

7. favorite castle built because of the crusades? mine is malbork castle built by the Teutonic knights. they ended up fighting the kingdom of Poland. interesting subject, would recommended having a look , if you don't already know about it.

1. Two grown lions. Reckon I could take them down, the pussies.

2. The Third Crusade, without a doubt. I enjoy reading about the construction of a united Saracan state or caliphate under Saladin, and the "second phase" to reconquer Jerusalem, led by Richard Coeur de Lion.

3. Hattin, 1187. An absolute massacre. Arguably the most famous battle in the history of the Middle East. The Siege of Acre (far later, in 1291), is also a favourite. Ridiculously bloody. Fascinating to read the contrasting accounts regarding the battle tactics of the defending Christians and the besieging Muslims.

4. Saladin is an obvious shout. I also enjoy reading about the Lionheart. My favourite eye-witnesses/chroniclers are Raymond D'Aguilers, who was a Crusader chronicler who wrote about William of Tyre and various other prominent Church ecclesiastics during the First Crusade, and Fulcher of Chartres, of course!

5. Revenge. Recall 846 when Rome was sacked by the Arabs. That was the first real attack between east and west, and caused centuries of animosity between Christian and Muslim. Then when Jerusalem was taken in 1064-65 by the Turks, there were 3,000 Christians massacred and the remainder were persecuted and treated horrifically bad. Naturally the Catholic Church didn't take too kindly to that. Obviously there was an economic gain to be had, as whoever held Jerusalem held the key to eastern trade, but I honestly believe the Crusade was motivated to fight fire with fire.

6. The Knights of St Lazarus. There's nothing cooler than some masked leper-knights waving flaming swords around!

7. Krak des Chevaliers. The biggest Crusader castle ever built. I want to go there so badly! Kerak is stunning as well, but Krak des Chavs is just magnificent:

Great questions!!

[BlueLion. 21,491]

Right, just another 24 hours for you guys to ask me anything! Think my topic's been open long enough!

[lucio 5,391]

!

5. Revenge. Recall 846 when Rome was sacked by the Arabs. That was the first real attack between east and west, and caused centuries of animosity between Christian and Muslim. Then when Jerusalem was taken in 1064-65 by the Turks, there were 3,000 Christians massacred and the remainder were persecuted and treated horrifically bad. Naturally the Catholic Church didn't take too kindly to that. Obviously there was an economic gain to be had, as whoever held Jerusalem held the key to eastern trade, but I honestly believe the Crusade was motivated to fight fire with fire.

interesting. wasn't aware of this.

this may be stretching it , but perhaps you can go even further back , and say it was revenge against the east , for the fall of the

western roman empire. (asian tribes like huns and alans contributed to this , although islam hadn't spread yet)

also, favorite medieval weapon?

[EBH 283]

Can I just say how freakily similar your answer to Rmpr's question number 3 would be to my answer if I was asked the same question?

I managed to phrase that as a question

[Steve 10,227]

Myself, Chou, Spike

You have to fuck one, kill one, marry one, Go!